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Why Do People Don't Apologize?
How our cognitive systems affect self-awareness in today's fast-paced world
![](https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect,quality=80/uploads/asset/file/f4e91fc2-e30a-408d-8f20-a988b3fc68ed/sorry.png)
Scrabble letters spell out “I m sorry”. (image: unsplash)
Have you ever wondered why some people don't apologize, even when they're in the wrong? While some argue that it's due to their fragile egos, there could be other reasons.
Recently, I had a debate with my partner about artwork and auctions, where we both had the same understanding of the topic but expressed it differently. After some discussion, my partner acknowledged my perspective, but didn't apologize. When I asked him about it, he felt there was no need for an apology as it was just a discussion, and that I should apologize for not providing enough context.Well, I guess I could do better. Having more empathy towards the the audience. That’s on me.
However, I pointed out that he had made a quick judgment about my perspective, without being curious about my point of view. This led us to an interesting conversation about why people tend to make judgments so quickly. We concluded that it could be due to the two cognitive systems we have (check Thinking, Fast and Slow by by Daniel Kahneman), where one helps us make decisions quickly without much thought, while the other requires thinking and effort.
In today's fast-paced world, we tend to rely on the fast cognitive system, which can lead to unintentional judgments and offenses. Therefore, it's important to strike a balance between the two systems and be aware of when we need to slow down and think before making a decision.
So, if you've made a quick judgment about someone and haven't apologized, it's time to make things right. Self-improvement and self-awareness start with acknowledging our mistakes and taking responsibility for them.
Until next week!
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